Plovdiv: Why you should sit at the front of the bus.

1. Plovdiv City Coat of Arms

2. Old Plovdiv bath house and
first highschool in yellow

A day trip to Plovdiv was highly recommended by Trip Advisor so on the second day in Sofia Beth and Rob decided to do just that. Although Plovdiv is the second largest city in Bulgaria they read that it had charm and a beautiful old city centre complete with Roman ruins.  Plovdiv also is among the oldest continuously inhabited places in the world. They were looking forward to taking the Free Plovdiv Tour especially since the others were time well spent. Alexander, their Sofia host, recommended that they take the bus rather than the train since busses were more frequent and travelled faster.

3. Roman Odeon Theatre

Arriving at the bus station required them to overcome the obstacle of reading instructions and labels that were written in Cyrillic. They concentrated on each direction sign as a preschooler reading their first picture book and recognized the painstaking efforts required by illiterate people when trying to get around. The ticket agent handed them two tickets, thoughtfully point to the gate number on each ticket and warned them, "Don't be late." With that advise ringing in their ears they went outside and waited near the front of the bus by its front closed door for the driver who was amicably chatting with another driver.  After one cursory glance at the tickets, the driver pointed at the open door located halfway down the bus.  Rob chose the seats immediately behind the middle doorway as these appeared to have the most legroom.

4. Enjoying the ride

The bus was a typical bus apart from a few exceptions. The chain tethered across the aisle deterred curious passengers from accessing or possibly annoying the driver. Additionally, the bus was well shy of being half full yet the majority of passengers sat in the front half of the bus. Behind Rob and Beth there sat only four people - three men and one woman each sitting by themselves.

5. The tour group in the old
revival style city

They settled in for the two hour ride with Rob looking out at the scenery with camera in hand from the window seat and Beth reading on her iPad in the aisle seat. After an hour into their two-hour trip, Rob's head settled on the railing bar in front of him as he slept while Beth continued to be immersed in her reading. Inconspicuously the woman who was perhaps in her early forties, disheveled hair, and with what Rob would later call "crazy eyes", walked up from behind, reached over, and started rubbing Rob's head. Rob logically assumed that it was Beth rubbing his head but was annoyed with the vigour with which she was doing so and then was completely startled when she smacked down hard on it. Rob’s head shot up and he turned to give Beth an earful for waking him, but hesitated when he focused his dilating eyes on the petite woman who stood before them.

Beth muttered to Rob, "Maybe she wants to see our tickets."

6. Tsveta speaks to the group

As Rob focused his attention to his breast pocket to retrieve his bus ticket the woman held out her hand in a cupped fashion as if ready to receive it but then quickly, to Rob’s utter astonishment, turned her hand and cuffed him.  The first blow struck him on the beak, followed by a second clubbing down on the top of his head as if she was a mother admonishing a child. Rob instinctually raised his arms into a defensive stance as if he were the child receiving punishment.

7. Beth reading on iPad

Beth, looking on in shock, became the next victim as the crazed woman began to reign down slaps on Beth's head and face in a waterwheel fashion. At one point she turned and slapped the iPad several times. Beth, who was clearly not thinking straight, was more perturbed by the fact that every time the woman slapped the tablet screen it turned the pages of the novel she was reading, losing her spot. When the woman turned her violence back on Beth's head she also held up her hands in defence and stupidly called out, "What did I do?"

8. The Fig Hand

The woman backed away holding up her hand, fist clenched with her thumb between her first and second finger (known as "Fig Hand") and returned, walking backwards to her seat with a surly expression.

9. A revival style home

Both Rob and Beth sat in stunned silence for a few moments then looked around the bus to see that only one person had observed the unprovoked attack as many of the other passengers were sleeping. This observer gave a somewhat empathetic look, shrugged, and then turned her attention back out the window.

For the next five or ten minutes both victims debriefed what had happened while casting nervous glances backwards. Rob informed Beth that "Fig Hand" was a gesture that in some countries is considered the same as lifting the middle finger or, less commonly, a gesture used to ward off the evil eye. During the conversation Beth insisted that she was a "crazy gypsy" (sorry, not politically correct) while Rob leaned towards the theory that she was mentally unstable and reasoned, "She likely has schizophrenia."

This last comment did nothing to calm Beth's nerves as she reminded Rob that now infamous Canadian Vince Li was schizophrenic and became more anxious of the fact that the deranged woman was sitting only two seats behind them with no one in between.

10. Chess in the park

Once she returned to her seat, the woman began to lightly mutter while looking in their direction, “Sleep… Sleep…” which made them even more anxious. Anyone who read Stephen King's book ‘Thinner’ would recognize the similarity in the way the gypsy in that story caressed the arm of a man in passing and whispered, "Thinner". The man, who was obese at the time, began to lose weight and, being a Stephen King novel, continued until the brink of death. We quickly decided to move toward the front of the bus and claimed the last two open seats that were together, and like frightened sheep, took refuge in the herd.

Beth chose the window seat this time and not just to give Rob more leg room. After a period of calm, long enough for Beth to be absorbed once again in the task of reading, Rob stood up, surprising Beth, to confront the woman who had crept once more up the aisle and was now directly behind them. He grasped her arm and ordered her, in his best loud teacher voice, "Go back to your seat." When she started to say something -presumably in Bulgarian- he repeated, while forcibly guiding her to her place at the back of the bus, "Go back to your seat."

11. Three of the well fed strays

She complied but again as she walked backwards to her seat she held a "Fig Hand" at them all the while with an angry expression. This time the event did not go unnoticed as several people nearby were woken by Rob's emphatic statements. Unfortunately they probably wondered what this large crazy American (sorry again) was doing to this pathetic Bulgarian woman. Only the spectator who witnessed the earlier incident glanced warily at the woman.

12. A wonderful Bulgarian meal

For the remainder of the trip Rob vigilantly kept an eye out for the ‘Crazy Lady’ while Beth practiced the "horned hand signal" which is another gesture used to ward off the evil eye.  For the remainder of the ride she did not approach again and thankfully got off the bus a few stops before they did, exiting while holding up fig hand at her victims and giving them menacingly looks. Both Beth and Rob looked awkwardly around the bus to again see the spectator also shrug her shoulders looking just as confused.

13. At the back of the bus.

With a sigh of relief they disembarked at their destination and enjoyed an uneventful day touring Plovdiv. Although they hoped to get a seat near the front of the bus for the return trip, it was once again filled before they arrived. Settling for a seat at the very back of the bus they reasoned that at least no one could sneak up behind them.

Plovdiv Evening